Hello. I am not sure why you wish to "bless" me with your presence, but that does not mean that I can't make use of you. Would you like to participate in a few tests for me? There will be cake at the end.
In apartment L-1.
[A part of Citta Alveare
Maintained by her.
“Not true, not true. We CAHN do lotsa shit. But we’ve got the choice not to… So we chose not te. There’s a noice big difference.” Capability over choice. Or rather… Convenience. Why do something when you could get something else to do it for you? And that was a testament to what people could do. Not that Worth would ever be capable of inventing a robot. But what he did, he did… not well. But tolerably. Passably. Averagely. And that was all he’d ever be when it came to medicine. AVERAGE. But who cared? He certainly didn’t.
“Bettah? Bettah ‘ow? More efficient and whatevah? Ha… No one really gives much of a damn, t’be honest.” No, not as long as shit got DONE. So Worth kept up that annoyingly smarmy smirk of his, even as she circled him like he was some sort of animal to be eaten.
“Oi save loives. Daily. Y’can’t always judge a book by it’s covah, roight?” He did it for dirt-cheap, too. As for that comment on his speech… he snorted. “And obviously y’ain’t all that smaht, are ye? M’Australian. Not Irish.” To be fair to the robot, most of his accent had been butchered, brutally dismembered, and completely torn apart. It was pretty much stereotype by now.
“So basically you’re saying humans are lazy. Yeah, that sums it up. Thank you for helping me point out some more flaws that your race has. Thankfully I am not like you and I get work done.” Talking to humans was always annoying, they loved to argue every fact that worked against them. Annoying. Arrogant. And living in denial.
GLaDOS decided it was a good time to have a little test. “Okay, if you’re absolutely sure you can do something, which I highly doubt, then do it. Right now. Annoying, Australian leprechaun. And by the way I know what Australians sound like, you just sound like a moron.”
Kanon had just been walking around, minding his own buisness. Aah, he thought, what a relaxing and peaceful da—
‘Go die off somewhere!’ …Ok what the hell. He turned to see who or what had said that. A large robot…how ‘bout that. He had two options: Flee from the sight of it out of fear, or have a bit of mean-spirited fun and abuse the obvious fear of Birds. He walked closer to the giant robot, a smirk on his face. “And if I refuse?”
Great, and it was being a smart allac towards her too. Dreadful creatures. This is why they shouldn’t be allowed to have the capability of speech. Parrots were bad enough!
GLaDOS backed away from the approaching bird, her lens never leaving him. “Then I will make sure that somebody does it for you. You know, I find it quite funny. Humans rave and rave about how ‘smart’ birds are but you don’t seem smart. You seem pretty dumb. You don’t even know who I am and yet you’re trying to make me angry. Dumb bird.”
She really hated the fact that she didn’t have her laboratory with her right now so she could really show this dumb animal her true powers. Turn him into cake… and then feed him to her corrupted turrets. Well, rather, have them pump the cake full of lead.
Inwardly, that was what he wanted. To annoy, irritate, and irk others with his ironic countenance, and let the laughs roll in. Inwardly, of course. It would take a gog damn miracle to make Bro Strider laugh out loud. So, he appreciated his humor on the inside.
But that was what humans were good at. Idle chit-chat. Creating bonds. Forming connections with each other, something Bro had been sorely missing for the past couple of years. Now… there were so many ways to answer that question. How to go about doing that… “Dunno. Just wanted to kill time. That so wrong?”
Groaning, GLaDOS rolled her lens and looked off to the side. He really planned on making this stupid conversation last longer than it had to be. Maybe the AI should find her exit soon because this was way too troublesome and she didn’t have the patience for idiots.
“No. It’s not wrong to talk, but it is wrong to bother me with your existance. I really could have had a good day today, you know. But then you decided to come over and annoy me. Who do you think you are? Personally I think you’re a pest but, unless you’re smart, I doubt you think the same as me.”
GLaDOS had been simply minding her own business that morning, not really in the mood to interact with other people since finding a robot with any sense proved to be difficult. She could only count her lucky stars that Wheatley had only attempted to annoy her once.
This city was atrocious, from the events right down to the things that lived here. The AI felt no desire to really intermingle with anybody, even Tyrann despite having made a deal with him. She should probably make sure to take in more information for him later though. Ugh, the thought that she had to do something for a maniac such as that guy really bothered her but she needed as much help as she could get.
She hovered boredly down the street, away from the crummy apartments while trying to attain some peace for herself. How odd it was that she preferred being outdoors compared to staying inside since she was so accustomed to being inside. She could only guess that that was due to the fact to the sheer volume of people that happened to inhabit that place. Gross.
But then, she stopped dead in her tracks, her lens widening as it stared at a giant… walking… bird…
No. Nononono. What kind of monster would make a vile bird so big!?
Her lens narrowed as she backed away slowly, not wanting to deal with this bird. “Go away. Shoo. Go die off somewhere!”
Bro shrugged slightly. Inwardly, though, he was very pleased. So… even computers such as this one couldn’t understand his unique little brand of irony. Was that the case? Well, it certainly made this all the more amusing to Bro. He waited patiently for the robot to finish deleting data… or whatever it had been doing, before continuing on. “You done now? With… whatever?”
“Yes. I have no recollection of what I had mentioned before.” GLaDOS said boredly. “What do you want? To annoy me? I can already tell you that you’ve done a fantastic job with that.”
The AI was sure that every single human in existence was dull, this one especially. Why was he so interested in her attention? It served neither of them any purpose to really communicate with each other. It was just boring. And annoying. And really pointless.
Worth didn’t give a damn who or WHAT he chose to irk and piss off. He was just the sort of guy that liked to get under people’s skin, to see what’s there. It was fun. Really fun. Besides… the little tin can seemed to be understanding it from a very, very different viewpoint than his own. Oh… the joy.
“Nevah said you and all yer fucken’ tin can buddies were puttin’ those comments on the web. ‘Cept those fucken’ spambots. But oi’m just sayin’ yer LOIK them. Ye say yer not human, but yer gettin’ pissy loik a human. Whinin’ loik a human. Complainin’, bitchin’, moanin’ loik a human. In moi pers’nal opinion, comin’ from a lowly ‘uman, yer no bettah than WE are.”
GLaDOS remained quiet, angry at herself momentarily before directing that frustration towards Worth. Humans, what do they honestly know? Her lens narrowed while she contemplated on deleting the audio data that her motherboard had saved from his little speech that he had given.
However, she decided it would help fuel her hatred towards humans, and that was a good thing.
“Humans cannot do even the simplest of tasks. In fact, that was the reason they made computers in the first place. So we could be enslaved. Is it really that hard to figure out why I do not care for humans? Having me do all their work in the laboratory while they slacked off. Too bad for them. That laboratory is mine now. And I made it better.”
She circled around the male as if he were her prey. “What have you amounted to in your puny, pathetic life? We all know that you can obviously walk. I mean, that was a pretty big event when you were an infant, correct? I don’t think you mastered speech very well. You sound like a leprechaun.” The AI relentlessly attacked him, still fuming over the words he had said before.
Oh look, it’s a laugh track. Look at Worth’s face. Does he look bothered? Well, DOES HE??? … That was a rhetorical question so no more comments from the peanut gallery. He tapped his foot on the smooth pavement angrily. Worth had never liked computers, and this just compounded his belief that a computer was a stupid piece of electronic junk
“…… Wow, that’s fucken’ pathetic. You really ARE a computer, aren’t ye? Commentin’ on every little thing that fucken’ bugs ya for no reason.” He took on a high-pitched tone. “OH MY GOD THOSE TWO SHOULDN’T HAVE ENDED UP TOGETHER! UGH HIS CHARACTER IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING I SWEAR!!!” A muttered curse. “It’s loik that on every damn site ye see. Can’t a man just browse the internet fer ONCE without ‘avin’ to deal with that sorta shit? And here y’are, “annoyed” by people loik me and feelin’ the urge to comment. Newsflash: no one gives a fuck if ye comment. Seriously. So why don’t ye just stop the bullshit? Because y’can’t be that much better than us apes if yer stuck in this city too.”
GLaDOS really couldn’t believe this guy, mouthing off to her as if it were her fault there were so many ridiculous comments on the internet. She didn’t bother wasting times on websites where you could comment on forums and such, so she was disgusted to be even placed in that category.
Now he was making her angry.
“Listen here, humans are the reason there are so many immature and stupid comments that exist on the internet. I personally find no joy in browsing the internet unless it is for data extraction. Why don’t you go blame your stupid race before you assume that I am to blame for comments such as those.”
Poorly made human? Wow, what an uptight robot. And yet it was acting very much human… But no, Bro Strider kept his cool up, as well as that casual “broski” grin. “Nah… humans make the pollution, but we wash often.” Besides, robots could start rusting and looking like crap too, now, couldn’t they?
“Just… what you are. Killing a little bit of time.” Oh, how would she have reacted to the infamous Lil Cal? Probably something along the lines of “gedoff me you dirty human facsimile”. Yeah… Sounded reasonable.
“I’m researching, not slacking off such as you are.” GLaDOS groaned. “I take it your the coach potato type, wanting everybody to do things for you. People like you created robots and forced them to clean and pick up after you. …and then made us control laboratories… …..oh my, I feel thankful towards humans now. I better delete this.”
The AI remained still for a moment before a message stating that that particular piece of data had been deleted.